I have been avoiding posting anything because I didn’t want to think about it another day. I knew I would write down what I was feeling and wasn’t quite ready to put it into words. When it comes down to it I just don’t know if I have the strength to do it ALL again. With Alexander, he just turned 3 and is chatting up a storm and he listens better in noisy environments then my other children. I could see the light at the end of the tunnel. Never in our wildest dreams did we think it could happen again.
I had imagined Reese and I spending her first months lounging around, making baby announcements, working on house projects and cooking, instead I have been spending my time contacting Dr.’s from all over the country and meeting with service coordinators from our county. It seems so unreal, we’re doing this all over again. As her mom I get to be the one who is the hearing aid expert, therapist and teacher. I am all too familiar with the process; which is a blessing and a curse at the same time. There is so much time invested physically, financially and emotionally. I know what has to be done to help her succeed. Yet every hearing loss is like a fingerprint, no one’s is the same. Nothing is a guarantee.
My friend Jessica said it best, “having children with health problems is heart wrenching, faith building, and teaches you that you can do things never imagined”.
What did I not learn the first time that I need to learn this time around?
Hearing aids will be on in a little over a week.
3 comments:
I'm right there with you! We're still 'in the process'. Sometimes I feel like, "Why me?" - but other times I feel like, "Thank you Heavenly Father for choosing me"! We've learned so much from this journey, and I would never take it back. As I'm sure you remember, it's SO rough when it's so fresh on your mind and raw - but it gets easier :) Good luck! Always know that you're not alone!
You have just written almost my exact words two years ago when we learned Liam had a hearing loss like CJ. Again?!?! Could I REALLY do this all over again? What if he doesn't have the same success CJ had? What if he prefers to sign instead of use oral? What if? What if? What if?
The finances, the heartache, the difficult decisions that really have no right answer, the feelings of discouragement when people notice your beautiful baby's hearing aids before they notice his beautiful face. It's all normal.
There really is no answer to it all. I wish there were. I had a moment one day where it all came to me and I came to understand "why me". I blogged it. Ultimately, this is Heavenly Father's gift to you, his compliment really. He has given you this trial because He knows only you can overcome it.
You can do this. I hope you'll feel free to contact me anytime you need. I feel like you're walking where I've already walked, and I'd love to hold your hand and help you through it.
Hi there, I have just stumbled upon your blog while looking at a few others and wanted to contact you if at all possible. I have a son who was born 03.12.11 with profound hearing loss.
Here is our blog:
www.angelicears.blogspot.com
Feel free to add our blog to your list, what I have read so far of your story is amazing and gut wrenching at the same time. You seem like such a strong mother, and I hope to be there one day (as I get a knot in my throat just sitting here typing.)
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